SYNONYMOUS WITH ACTING AGAINST ONE'S BETTER JUDGMENT

Why do we do things in the knowledge that it is better not to do them?

In the literature, one of the reasons given for this is that we are shaped by our social environment, by social rules. Constricted in a corset, the directions of movement are restricted and predetermined, no deep breathing, hardly any self-awareness is possible.

Many people follow this and not their own intuition, either because they have never taught it to themselves, never been taught it, or because economic constraints take away their freedom and courage.

I have learned it, sometimes accompanied by a de facto insurmountable lack of compromise. A lack of compromise that sails close to self-sabotage, at least I feel. I can't really judge that myself. My view may be too distorted. Distorted by the desire to distance myself as far as possible from my previous behavior, my way of thinking, from simply 'functioning' in order to keep myself mentally and emotionally 'safe' so as not to jeopardize what I have achieved. The smallest steps backwards feel devastating. Am I really that unyielding?

But it's a good thing, as it secures my satisfaction with myself, my belief in myself and my strengths, even when things get difficult in life. For me, this is the key to a happy life overall.

A difficult topic all round, and just like the character “Verzwickt”: Without having lived through something like this yourself, it's hard to understand the incredible forces that can work within you. Forces that cannot be overcome. Thank God they fight for me, for my own good . . .